Continueing To Love Through The Tough Times

This month marked my 5th wedding anniversary.  I got married at the ripe old age of 22.  When Terry and I got engaged some people were excited for us, some people thought we were too young, even my mawmaw called us stupid but we thought we were ready so we took the leap.  5 years later I do not regret that decision one bit, but it has not been a cake walk.  Terry has gotten laid off every year we’ve been married (no fault of his), we have struggled with infertility, we’ve dealt with separation when he worked in the oil field and our newest challenge has been finances.  As you can image for Terry 5 years of jumping from jobs, job searching and unemployment hasn’t been easy.  It also hasn’t been easy on our bank account.  It seems too that trouble with money has meant trouble for us.  As a dating couple we very seldom fought.  As a married couple its a daily struggle sometimes to not scream all evening.  The root of the evil…MONEY.  If we had money we could get out of the house and do things with friends.  If we had money we could go on a vacation and destress.  If we had money we wouldn’t be stressed about bills or losing our home.  If we had money maybe we wouldn’t be so tired and depressed from working long hours or not being able to work at all.  I don’t really like who I’ve become in my marriage and I want to work on it.  So I’ve found a list of things to do keep a marriage strong in financial trouble.  For each item I’m going to list something positive that Terry and I do to follow that rule.

1.     Remember Your Vows  –  On the day we married we said for better, worse, rich, poor, sickness and health.  We are learning to deal with the poor part by being excited when we reach simple goals.  Like if we can get a weeks worth of groceries out of $40 from the store or if we can manage to eat out with a coupon or gift card.  Terry stayed with me all night in the hospital when I was sick in December.  I have learned to give him his shots every few weeks.  We are trying to stay positive in all aspects of our vows.

2.     Everything In Life Will Turn Around Again –  When we first got married we were poor as dirt and struggled with money.  Then out of nowhere Terry got an oil field job and for a year we lived happily with enough money for ourselves but also to help our loved one.  I’m hoping that our unselfish love for our family and friends will pay itself forward to us later in life.  And we  will always remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS

3.     Don’t Rush To Blame Others – I am the worst at this one.  I get frustrated really easily.  It is something I work on daily.  I can say for this one that my husband is the best at this.  He is never accusatory and will even take the blame when it is not his place.

4.     Stick Together – This one can be tough.  Its hard to focus on just the two of us sometimes when outside forces cloud our judgments.  In the end though when we fight we always say sorry.  If we are angry for two days we will still remind each other that we are in this together forever no matter what.

5.     Laughter – now this one we are good at.  Just yesterday I got this from Terry just to perk me up

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6.     Find A Solution – We have been good at this at this but that doesn’t mean that those solutions are easy.  We were struggling with finances so we made the decision to file for bankruptcy.  After that terry lost his job and we almost lost our house but we figured things out even though it means lost of overtime and staying home because we can’t afford to do things.

7.     Control –  I seem to be the more dominate person in my relationship right now because I am the keeper of the finances.  I am also the only one working at the moment so I feel like I can dictate what terry needs to do.  This is so wrong of me.  I know it is. He never tries to do that to me and I will strive to be more like him in that aspect.

8.     Remember – This can mean more than one thing.  Remember how you got to this point and do your best to avoid the situation next time.  Also its remember you married each other for a reason.  I didn’t go into marriage lightly.  I made a choice to love someone forever.  Just like terry made a choice to stand by my side till we are old and gray.  How thankful am I that someone chose me for their forever.  When things are this hard that’s what I need to remember.

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