Well so much for me keeping my promise to keep up with the blog lol. Much to my surprise the day that I wrote my original post was the day before my wonderful nephew was born. That being said the work I intended to do that night before and during time we were at the hospital on the blog did not happen. So now that life has gotten somewhat back to normal I’m back on the blog train. Lets hope I don’t derail as fast this time.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my purpose in life. It is my feeling that we are not put on this earth to just live and work and die and that’s it. There has to be a reason that God put me on this earth. I’ve struggled with this a lot lately. I’ve been married 7 years but I don’t really think I’m an exceptional wife. I’m not the best house keeper nor am I the best at making sure to grocery shop or do laundry on time. I am aware of my flaws and bless my poor husband he is such a help. I know we were put on this earth to love each other but I don’t think that’s my only purpose.
So it must be something else. Well it can’t be that I’m the best daughter or sister. I’m terrible at calling people or checking in. I often find myself so tired after work that I will do nothing else but sit in my room alone and not speak to anyone. This terrible character trait also makes me a sucky friend too. So this must not be my purpose either.
Work. It has to be work right? That’s a negative ghost rider. I made 10 years at my job in January and I have found this year to be one of the hardest I have experienced so far. I barely move from my spot in my office but I find myself beyond mentally exhausted on a daily basis. I have been faced with challenges every single day since the school year started. Sometimes I can cope and sometimes I think they are giving me an ulcer.
Ok so if I’m not the best wife, daughter,sister, friend or that great at work what is it? We already know about my no kids issue so its gotta be something other than that. Maybe its theater life. Maybe finally I’ve found my calling and know what I’m good at. Well if you would have asked me back in October I might have said this was true but now I just don’t know. 10 years of auditioning and I finally made a show. An amazing show and I loved it so much. Then I spent the fall working on 3 shows and loving it the whole time. But once those were over what do I do? I’ll audition for another show. I’ve got to hope that I’ve gotten better at my craft and I should have a decent shot. NOPE! I auditioned for a show and it was a big no again. This has me questioning everything all over again. Was getting into that one show a fluke? Am I a one hit wonder? Do I think I am better than I am? At any rate I’m not sure if this is my purpose either.
So what is it? Why am I here? I’m not sure if I’m really meant to know but I sort of wish I did. This is something I really need to work on. Maybe I don’t need to know. Maybe I just need to figure how to be ok with just being me.