Day 27: Ipod Shufflin

So I decided to go with this challenge today instead of giving you a step by step of my day.  No one should have to live through the first day of teachers returning and preparation for student orientation if they don’t have to.  So instead I am choosing to do the Ipod Shuffle Challenge.   Here is the first 5 songs that get shuffled on my phone and why I like them enough to bother putting them on there.

1.  Keep Fishing by Weezer – When I was in high school the group of friends I hung out with had a band.  When I was not dancing or football training I was pretty much always watching them play somewhere.  They liked to play classic and alternative rock and the more I listened to that stuff the more I liked it and started to explore it.  Weezer is just quirky enough for me to love them! This really brings back happy memories
2. Let’s Fall In Love (All Over Again) by Wayne Toups – For those of you not from Louisiana Wayne Toups is an awesome Zydeco musician.  I’ve listened to him since I was a little girl but some of the best times I’ve had was going to see him at the Texas Club.  Some of my best memories from college are from Saturday nights at this bar.  Heck Terry and I even helped set up one of our friends who are now happily married at a Wayne Toups concert there.  Its just good stuff.
3. Back to you by John Mayer – I definatly went through a moody sad girl phase when I listed to John Mayer all the time.  He was my go to sappy song guy when I was either going through a break up or just sad because I was single.  Even though I am super happy in my relationship I still enjoy a good sappy sad girl song once in a while.
4. Loser Like Me from Glee – I love Glee.  I haven’t been able to watch it as much as I used to but I am constantly inspired by this show.  It has literally everything I enjoy in life wrapped into one.  I wish I had gone to a high school where you just sang with your friends all the time.  This one was also one my show choir kids really liked when we first started too.
5. Said I Loved But I Lied by Michael Bolton – This one I am blaming soley on my nanie.  When I was growing up I spent a lot of time with my nanie and uncle Glen.  My nanie loves her some Michael Bolton.  We even went to see him in concert when I was young.  I have some very early memories of jamming out at her house as a little ham of a girl.  My husband looks at me like I am an idiot when this song comes on in the car because I genuinely sing it like I am in concert with Michael himself.  Just for fun you can enjoy this little gem too…

Day 26: Deepest, Darkest, Fear

For most people fears are rational phobias of actual scary things.  Fear of spiders.  Fear of flying.  Fear of dark water.  For those of us with anxiety fear is more of an irrational term.  Yes I have my normal person fears like being scared of heights or frogs (ok maybe that one isn’t so normal).  But I also have a really large number of irrational fears.

I know it may sound crazy and I am very aware that the things I fear have no merit but that does not stop me from feeling it.  This is one aspect of generalized anxiety that I think gives it the biggest stigma.  As I’ve said before mental health is not something you can see.  So its harder for people to understand when you are suffering when there is no outward appearance of it.  A lot of the time I’ve been met with people thinking that I’m “faking it” or using it as an excuse to get out of something.  I can guarantee you I would much rather be having fun then sitting in my room scared to leave the house.  Of all my irrational fears the worst that I suffer from is agoraphobia.  There is unfortunately no medicine you can take or magical therapist that can cure you of this.  You have to fix yourself on this one.

This disorder is debilitating sometimes.  I first starting having issues when I was diagnosed with social anxiety.  When I was in college I would miss classes for days in a row because I just knew that everyone would know I had missed.  They would all be staring at me knowing I was a slacker.  As I got a little older and started facing grown up problems my social anxiety changed to full blown agoraphobia.  When my stress level is high sometimes I can barely leave my house for days at a time.  I can make myself stay logical on some things.  I have to go to work.  There is no way around it.  But once I am home it takes a lot for me to leave.  There are times when my husband has had to take me kicking and screaming out of the house just to go to dinner.  I’ve spent many times getting ready and having to put on mascara more than once because I’ve cried so much about having to leave.

I say all this just to bring some awareness to how tough struggling with different forms of anxiety can be.  Personally I know that I try really hard to keep my disorders under control but sometimes they get the best of me.  It is a daily struggle.  But this is my life and I have learned to deal with it.

Day 25: …I just don’t understand

Yesterday was a very sad day for my family and a family very near and dear to my heart.  Two beautiful girls lost thier mother.  My mom lost her best friend. My sisters suffered right along with girls who they consider not only friends but sisters too.  Connie Brown has been a part of our family since my sister was little girl and became best friends with her daughter.  She and my mom became friends almost instantly and they were there for each other through thick and thin. 

Ms Connie with Mawmaw and My mom

Her daughter considers my mother to be almost like her own.  I know how amazing my own mother is but to have someone else see that and confide and trust them like we do makes me burst with pride to be her daughter.  I am also so grateful that my mother was there for those girls in their time of need.  Those girls and their father will forever be a part of our lives. Our FAMILY. We will be there for them no matter what just like our mothers were for each other.

This whole things just makes me think….I don’t understand.  How could someone so young with so much life ahead of them be taken so early.  All I can think is God had a bigger plan for her.  He knew that with him, there would be no more suffering.  No more pain and struggle.  She will be the most perfect guardian angel for us still here. 

Even though yesterday was a terrible day I hope those girls and everyone close to them take solice in the fact that she is at peace.  Fly high Ms. Connie and keep an eye on us down here!

Day 24: A Website I LOVE

I love all things crafty.  So naturally I love etsy.com.  There are so many things you can get from this site.  From jewelery to phone case to monogrammed anything to purses its pretty much got it all.  I have ordered many things from this website.  I got a sea turtle fertility bracelet, lockets for my sisters-in-law for Christmas, nautical jewelry to Disney Bound as Mr. Smee and Ellie Badges from the movie Up for Terry and I when we went to Disney World.  Whats even better is that I have now learned to favorite things I like so that my husband knows exactly what to get when a holiday rolls around.

I recently searched the website for fun and found lots of things I would love to purchase.  Most of them having something to do with my inner geeky sides love of all things literary and silly.

*Terry recently introduced me to the awesome world of Star Wars.  My favorite characters are the Ewoks.  Who wouldn’t want to have this Ewok pillow*

*This week we’ve been having a Harry Potter marathon.  I know I haven’t been officially sorted and all but I like to think of myself as a Ravenclaw.  This replica of Ravenclaw’s diadem would fit perfectly in my cheesey jewelery collection*

*When I was in high school my best friend and I would watch the same Friends episode over and over again.  The one where Pheobe says that Ross and Rachel are each others lobster.  We were famous for using that quote and this print would match perfectly in my house*

*My favorite ride at Disney World is probably the Haunted Mansion.  There are 99 happy haunts there but my favorite is a portrait in the stretching room of the lady on the tightrope.  Yep I need this phone case*

Day 23: Baby Bump Envy

So the challenge for today is something that makes me sad.  There are days when I think I am over the fact that I can not have a child.  And then some, like today, when I struggle with the realization.  I think the worst thing that could have ever happened to an infertile person is social media.  Not only are you hearing about every single pregnant friend, cousin, and neighbor you are also subjected to cute smushy faced children with big bows and tonka trucks.  I don’t say all this as a means to make any mother feel bad.  If I had a child you better believe I’d be doing the same thing.  I say this just to enlighten some people on what it feels like to be on the other side.

We didn’t find out we couldn’t have children in one sitting.  It wasn’t some big sit down with a doctor where we had a bomb thrown at us and that was it.  Our news was more gradual which in a way made it easier to take but also made it easier to convince ourselves there was still hope.  After almost 3 years of back and forth to doctors and test and trying and what not we finally decided enough was enough.  We did not have the financial means to do anything serious with fertility and the chances of conception we were told from both our doctors was down lower and lower every time we had an appointment.

So we decided together that since conception was not in the cards for us we want to adopt.  We are very open to the idea of adoption.  My first cousin is adopted.  My mom worked for an adoption agency for years.  My cousin, her mom and her children are all adopted.  Needless to say we are totally cool with.  But that does not mean there is not a period of mourning that comes with the news that you will never have your own child.  I will never walk into a sonogram room and hear my babies heart beat for the first time.  I will never feel a baby kick in my tummy.  My husband will never cut an umbilical cord.  I won’t have maternity pictures and I won’t have a gender reveal party.

To some this may seem trivial but to me it hurts.  And no it doesn’t help when you ask why we’ve been married 6 years and have no children.  And no it doesn’t help when you tell me to just relax it will happen when you stop trying.  And no it doesn’t help when you say how great a mom I would be.  It also doesn’t help when you avoid telling me about your happy moments.  I say this to my husband over and over again.  I have never EVER felt sadness for a friend who gets to experience the joy of motherhood.  I have only ever been sad for myself.  This is a completely selfish notion but its the truth.  The truth is that I have baby bump envy.  And man the struggle is real.  Right now we have enough pregnant friends to meet new babies for almost 6 months in a row.  Even though that’s tough to swallow I still can not wait to meet all those sweet babies.

Today may have been one of my tougher days but they aren’t all like that.  I know in my heart one day I will be able to meet a little human I can bring home and call mine.  I’ll leave you with this, some touching photos of a couple meeting their adopted child for the first time.  Hopefully one day my social media will be covered in photos like this of my own.

http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/tp-loves/when-parents-meet-their-adopted-baby-for-the-first-time/

 

Day 22: Dances for the Soul

One of the best shows on television for a dance lover is So You Think You Can Dance on Fox.  While I currently do not have cable so I have not been watching the current season I do love the show.  Over the years there have been a handful of dances that really made an impact on me.  These are my top 5 dances of all time on the show.

1. My favorite choreographer on the show is Mia Michaels.  This dance doesn’t have some deep meaning but I love the use of the bed.

2.  This next one is also a Mia Michaels number.  It is about addiction and it is a truly powerful piece.

3. This one is a Wade Robison number that is just funky enough to be awesome.  They even brought it back for the anniversary episode.

4.  I’m not sure if anyone else would add this to their top list but this dance was my inspiration for probably the best show choir dance I’ve done.  I was inspired to do an Alice in Wonderland tea party dance after seeing this David Bowie number.

5.  My last one is another group number with pretty much the coolest prop I could possibly think of, SAND.

Day 21: My Special Shoes

A few years ago while working in the front office at work I mentioned to a co-worker that I was taking a tap dancing workshop that weekend.  She ended up coming with me to the workshop and was surprised to see that I really could dance.  A week or so later she asked me if I wanted to choreograph a number from Thoroughly Modern Millie for the school show choir.  That one dance started it all and I became a part of the Performing Arts family.  A year later the same coworker asked if I would like to be the assistant director and choreographer for the first ever K-12 musical.  I was skeptical but decided to accept the position.  The show we worked on that year was called Honk!

The story was a musical telling of the Ugly Duckling.  A special part of the production was that everyone got to design their own shoes.  From the teacher who played the bullfrog to the lead characters and even down to the littlest tadpole everyone got to show a little bit of themselves.  A big part of my duties for the show were backstage and even though I wore all black I had my special shoes too.  I painted these a few nights before we opened late at night and delirious from sleep deprivation.

I learned so much from that experience.  I learned that even though in my head a dance may have looked like a scene from Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation its ok if it turns out looking like something from Monty Python.  I learned that Mod Podge can pretty much help to create any prop needed.   Teachers sometimes need more TLC when learning dances than the kiddos.  Sometimes sets don’t like to move off the stage and you just have to go with it.  I learned that getting to know a child is more valuable than putting on a perfect show.  I learned that given the chance those children are way funnier than you could ever try to make them.  I learned that my heart could be completely full of joy and happiness even when I’m exhausted and crying and struggling to get through rehearsal.  What I got from this experience wasn’t just my special shoes but a lifetime of friendships, smiles and great memories to last.

Day 20: Something fun and unusual

Something I really enjoyed doing when going on my theme park trips is picking my outfits for the days I would be there.  I am no fashion model but I love to Disney Bound.  I’m not 100% certain of the origins of this but I believe it all started with a Tumblr.  Whoever this awesome person is decided to make outfits that went along with characters.  I don’t mean t-shirts with characters on them but full on dressing like a character.  I’m not sure if it can be called the same when visiting Universal but I did it as well when I visited there.  Nothing is more fun for me when visiting the theme parks than picking and outfit then finding that character or ride and taking pictures and just having fun.  It is something that gets me excited when planning my trips.  The first trip I took to Disney, excluding going when I was little with my nanie, I went with the school choir and we all bounded together.  So much fun!  Then when I went the next year with my family I convinced my husband to do it with me.  As our financial situation is improving the goal we have set for ourselves is a Disney trip next October for the Food and Wine Festival and Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.  I already have a million ideas.  I’ve even learned how to make Mickey Ears which will make it all the more fun.  If you are planning a trip anytime soon I highly advise trying this.  Check out Disney Bound on Pinterest and the Tumblr here.

Dressing like a Ravenclaw at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Rocking my Bumblebee outfit at the new Transformers store

Fangirling over Ariel

Terry and I meeting Dug and Russell while we bounded as Carl and Ellie from Up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 19: How I spend the weekends

Sometimes being broke as a joke means you gotta work more than one job.  Not long after I got married my husband started “bouncing” at a bar one of his friends owned.  After a few weeks he started to work the drive-thru side of the bar.  See here in Louisiana we have such things as drive thru daiquiri shops.  As long as you don’t put the straw in its not an open container lol.  As you can imagine this concept goes over pretty well with our local people so the bar stays pretty busy.  After a few months of me being bored at home, I started going with him on his shifts.  I started helping because, why not i was already there.  After another month or so I was put on the payroll.  He left for the oil field and I ended up staying almost a whole year longer just so i wasn’t home alone bored.

Fast forward a few years later and we are still poor so we returned to the bar.  This is how I’ve been spending every weekend since the summer started.  I’ve got some lovely co-workers who keep me laughing and having fun.  I don’t need to get a gym membership because I run around for 6 to 8 hours lifting 2 gallon containers over my head filling machines.  In my book that counts for cardio and weight training right?

I know people’s stereotypical idea of bar work is not a glamorous one.  But I like to think we are not a stereotypical kind of place.  I have great customers who will cut up with you, bring you dinner or give you a free lunch.  We have a following of puppies who like to stop by the window as well because they get treats when they visit.  I have a good time on sundays when Terry and I work as a team.  Our work schedules are pretty conflicting so its really nice to just spend time together.  Even if it is working.

Hey you gotta do what you gotta do to make a living.  I could think of many worse things i could be doing.  So until i get fancy and rich (yea right) we will be spending our weekends kickin it at Deja Vu.

Day 17 and 18: a twofer

I knew I was gonna mess up at some point during this 30 day challenge.  So today will be a two for one post.  A restaurant review and what I did today.

This was probably the best weekend we have had all summer.  Terry and I had two consecutive days off together and it was pretty much amazing.  We have been doing better with our finances and were able to keep our second job money to go on a date.  I honestly can’t say when the last time we went one a date was.  So we decided to go to a restaurant we had never gone to.  We ended up at Kona Grill.  I’m not a sushi person so luckily they have lots of other options.  We started our meal with Mai Tais.  Its a nice cocktail that consist of rum, rum, pineapple juice and more rum.  They were a little strong so we were feeling good.

When it was time to order we got the smoked gouda fondue appetizer that came with pretzel bites and granny smith apples.  I can tell you that was for reals on point!  Terry ordered the miso-sake sea bass with shrimp fried rice and Asian ratatouille.  He thought this was pretty good but needed a sauce of some sort.  We talked to our waiter and he brought us a sweet chili sauce.  That sauce took the dish from a 5 to like a 9.  It was good stuff.  I had the Hawaiian ribye and it was amazeballs!  It was a teriyaki marinated ribeye with mashed potatoes, green beans, fried onion strings and grilled pineapple. SOOOOOO good.

After dinner we enjoyed sitting around the fountain at Perkins Rowe just enjoying each others company.  All in all a great night with great food.  A little pricey but it was worth it for a night on the town.